All the time I listen to warnings about acting in a specific way to protect my heart. Although all of them use to be about how to act in the proper way, sometimes, people don’t warn you about protecting yourself from other human beings bad choices, actions and decisions. As a younger woman, the situation was more complicated because I hadn’t got the maturity to end any situation, where my feelings and self-respect could be in danger.
Growing-up and experience had taught me to see easily the warning lights each time a man, woman or a boy is beginning to start a complicated or manipulative scheme to make me feel confused or change my mind or feelings towards him, her, or a particular situation in their favour and not mine.
I know this couldn’t be necessarily sound helpful, useful or interesting in your technological field of expertise. Especially when you want better tricks to develop your own platform or app. Furthermore, when achieving a high score in your next exam is more relevant for you. However, during your first years in the workplace, these simple rules will let you discern how to handle your not so friendly co-workers or friends because, sometimes, they indulge themselves in this kind of behaviour for the most meaningless reasons or selfish feelings.
It is even possible that they don’t feel anything about you, it is just a narcissistic way of thinking on themselves for attracting more women in the workplace -for men-, or to compete in a negative way with the wrong advantages -for women- so, be careful. Your work, your paycheck; as well as, your heart would be under high pressure and risk, in these circumstances.
In case you are not working yet or you are the only student in an internship, these guides will let you recognise when your friend or coworker is trying to manipulate your feelings to feel something you are not ready; you had not planned, or you are not even interested to feel. Awareness about manipulative passive-aggressive behaviour is an important tool to avoid being fooled by a guy you are not into but he wants to transform the relation in something which is not like it at all for your best interest.
1.- Open your eyes
Some guys could be just selfish or jerks acting in this way because they don’t really care about you or they didn’t even lose a second thinking about having a relationship with you. Another man could possibly be considering a real relationship but if the way to get to your heart is playing with your mind, it is the wrong way. Why? You would ask, the answer is simple that implies a toxic beginning for developing a good connection in the future because manipulation will become a regular guest in your interactions and the truth is nobody likes to feel manipulated.
2.- Recognise the pattern
- You asked for a favour, he/she forgot it multiple times. This is one of the first signs of passive-aggressive behaviour.
- Gossip about you.
- Procrastination when you request support for any task.
- Bad behaviour: rudeness, disrespect, lack of tact, lack of validation, sarcasm, ironic sense of humour, among other similar behaviour patterns.
3.- How to react
- When you are younger is easy to get confused, particularly, if you got a romantic interest in the person. It is possible you tolerate and even participate in this ping-pong of excuses, bad vibes, and hide disparagement. However, it could be very negative in the long-term for all the people involved in the situation, as well as, for fulfilling the office goals.
- First, it is relevant to call the attention of the person over her or his behaviour. Perhaps, they would open themselves and tell you exactly what is bothering them about your behaviour? Or the reason behind that kind of attitude. Honesty is relevant, listen to them carefully but if they acted like dumb people and ignored you, cut the ties there is not worst relationship that one, which is focused on being a hypocrite. It is better to be alone than sharing time with a person, who doesn’t respect you. Remember respect is the most important element in every relation. It could be professional, personal or even romantic, or with your family.
- Second, what could I do if this is happening in an office but nobody recognised the negative behaviour? You should ask for support if your boss did not notice anything out of normal in this kind of behaviour. The worst outcome is your boss didn’t listen to you. As I read in an article from an Australian journal a few days ago, where they explained how in the Financial environment is common to avoid acting under the customary standards and be rewarded or admired. It is possible the same is happening at your office. If that is the case you should go to Human Resources to explain the situation and ask for help to talk to your manager.
- Third, when you have already done all your efforts to change negative patterns but they are still part of your daily life, the best alternative is starting to search for a new job because no matter how good the paycheck is if you are going to feel uncomfortable or miserable in your workplace this won’t be good for your career in the long-term. Also, it is better left on good terms than being part of a distorted or violent situation provoked by negative people around you.
- When we talk about the personal scenario, undoubtedly, you should find a new group of friends. Betrayal, passive-aggressive behaviour, hostility and disrespect are not signs of truthful friendships. Don’t feel bad, you are not losing something or someone valuable. It is possible you open the doors to new encounters, good or bad, but at least very different.
If you need more professional advice, write to firstname.lastname@example.org